Bourkey Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 im at work at the moment.several people around me have just laughed at that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 ;) sweet!Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 thats pretty cool ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Was eating a Penguin in work today and come across this joke...."What happened to the frog that broke down?"He got TOAD away .... its sad i know Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 A boy said to his Mum"Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?"" No dear, you can have turkey like everyone else" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 awful!!!!!!!!!!! truly awful!!!!!!!!!!!! Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alena Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 why did Princess Diana cross the road?because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ichiban Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Not quite jokes but some hilarious (and even more hilarious, REAL!) product warningsLiquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.Windex Do not spray in eyes. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines.Dremel Electric Rotary Tool This product not intended for use as a dental drill.Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter Safe to use around pets.Endust Duster This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.Baby Oil Keep out of reach of childrenLittle Ones Baby Lotion Keep away from childrenHair Coloring Do not use as an ice cream topping.Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use.Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap.Stridex Foaming Face Wash May contain foam.Beach Ball CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.Chainsaw Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping.Bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.Bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.Swann frozen dinners:Serving suggestion: Defrost.Hotel provided shower cap in a box:Fits one head.Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. And some more:Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant Use only on underarms.Zantac 75 Do not take if allergic to zantac.Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause DrowsinessChristmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face.Komatsu Floodlight This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the darkEarplugs These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipeMattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallowMatches Caution: Contents may catch fire.Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.Rain Gauge Suitable for outdoor use.RCA Television Remote Control Not Dishwasher SafePine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fireTriops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumptionHome Depot Treated Lumber Do not consumeHair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping. Road Sign Caution water on road during rain.Camera This camera will only work when film is inside.Road Sign Cemetery Road. Dead EndChurch Parking Lot Sign Thou shalt not parkChildren's Superman Costume Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.Silk Soy Milk Shake well and buy oftenAir Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.Slush Puppy Cup This ice may be coldAmerican Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.Nabisco Easy Cheese For best results, remove cap.Swanson TV Dinners This product must be cooked before eating.Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nutsHeinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food This one cracked me up A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"..........The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 genius!!!!!!That Diana one is just...plain wrong.Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 why did Princess Diana cross the road?because she wasn't wearing a seatbeltThat is harsh Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 genius!!!!!!That Diana one is just...plain wrong.Phil.Couldnt agree more.@Joz, you came out with some excellent ones!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bourkey Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 if you think about all them product ones though.all of them instructions are there because someone has done that stupid thing.idiots Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Q: What special software does Harry Potter have on his computer?A: A spell checker! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tommy_G Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 oh no mikey....have a unplesent one for you a mate told meWhats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?Rape....seems rape is funny nowerdays, unless its happend to you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alena Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 rape/paedophilia jokes are funny but princess diana ones arent? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tommy_G Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 i apolagise for my terrible sense of humor....blame ricky gervais and the mighty boosh.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 rape/paedophilia jokes are funny but princess diana ones arent?Urrrm dont ask Ecks that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 i apolagise for my terrible sense of humor....blame ricky gervais and the mighty boosh....The Mighty Boosh rule!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 rape/paedophilia jokes are funny but princess diana ones arent?Yeah. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tommy_G Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 yea go mikey, i love those guys, vince noir rock and roll star seen every episode, wanted to see them live, didnt get tickets in tym...grrr.we shall have to start a kent starlet mighty boosh club mikey!...haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ichiban Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Urrrm dont ask Ecks that I think they have sussed you out ecksjayHeres another one from me:A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves."Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked."No, I don't" she replied.Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."She didn't crack a smile."Oh, well. I tried," he thought.But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing."What's so funny?" he asked.I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 thats a good un Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Hahaha!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted January 6, 2007 Share Posted January 6, 2007 Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ichiban Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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