SpeedFreak

Blonde in a boat There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!" Brunette Meets Genie A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes.

A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her: 'Can we have sex?' No,' she replies, 'I'm married to God.' She then stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippy and says 'I can tell you how to have sex with her!' 'Yeah', says the bus driver. 'She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God' The hippy decides to g

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady! Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?' 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. 'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?' I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly. 'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?' 'Ninety-eight.' she replied. 'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live nin

Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending one of his office colleagues Leaving Party. He didn't even remember how he got home. It's 8.30. What day is it? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work. As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he did last night. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden. He sat up. The bedroom was cle

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.' Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.' St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ' Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...' God commented: 'W

You Just Can't Fix Stupid!! ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up

Il be different and say I don't particularly like the look! Nice colour though. Looks like its had way too much money spent on it!

Well I would guess not as he is now put it in the for sale section at 8 this morning if memory serves me correctly!

Wow sounds like you men have had so luck with the ladies....NOT!!

Aww thats very sweet of you!

Nice Glanza! Love the white on white look.

V Power hasn't yet though! LOL. I did see the News yesterday and it said it had dropped, all the supermarkets are in a price war. Although, I went to Shell this morning to fill up and it cost me £40 and normally it was more. There prices of V has gone down by 5p.

The mum looks like death warmed up! Have you seen the dark eyes she has!!! God, the Dad is way to easy going, he doesnt back the mum up enough.

I've been off ill from work and spent near on a whole day off doing my mot lol.

Does any body watch this on Channel 4? I am watching it now for the first time, whilst surfing the net. If I was the mum I would of smacked her daughter in the face a long time ago, little bitch! I don't ever remember talking to my mum like she was a piece of shit! My mum would of kicked me out of her house if I talked to her like that girl talks to her mum. She slammed the door in her mums face!! Grr makes me so angry that people treat their parents like that Rant over. No one probably has even watched it! LOL.

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts 'This is a raid - everyone get on the floor!' and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'. The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. 'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male v

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven a tall, Exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As All men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... On one condition' Flabbergasted, the

For all who work with rude customers, what a shame we can't actually do this! An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight

Aint you bloody lucky! The iPhone 3g is well expensive. I would so sell it lol.

Has got bebo down to a T! I rarely do anything on it, I use Facebook.

You have lost me there!

Loves showing off his body to the girls on Bebo!

God I love Lucky Charms!!! And Bran Flakes are minging!!!! To be honest, I cannot eat breakfast as it makes me sick but if I forced myself it would have to be coco pops.

Would like to get paid for his love-giving!

Pm them to me!