My wife being unhappy with my mood swings bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead -------------------------------------------------------- A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back." -------------------------------------------------------- While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, my wife and I listened to the instructor declare, 'it is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.' He addressed the men: 'can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?' I leaned over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, 'self-raising, isn't it?'