Galliano

you look like the dude from the monopoly... heres me and mum last friday

if you are sensible with a pub carpark, and have a meal or something - they wouldnt have a problem with you

that why shes nicknamed "Ex" ?

Mikey have you seen Autotrader? low miles, good condition, not molested - £1200

aww you bought it a carbon snorkle, predicted floods?

^ you have.

Welkom hier

they make it look cleaner when they are silver if im honest :/

You know you are a true Jock if....... 1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, Auchtermuchty and Awfurfuksake 2. Ye actually like deep fried pizza fae the chippie 3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day 4. Ye cannae pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert. 5. Ye kin fall aboot pished withoot spillin yer drink. 6. Ye see people wearin shell suits wi Burberry accessories - Pure Dead Class! 7. Ye measure distance in minutes. 8. Ye kin understaun Rab C. Nesbitt and know characters jist like him in yer ain family 9. Ye go tae Saltcoats because ye think its like gaun tae the ocean 10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer words 11. Ye know whit haggis is made of and still like eating it. 12. Somedy ye ken his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur weddin date. 13. Ye've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the church/Chapel 14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. 15. Ye know Irn-bru is a hangover cure. 16. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums. 17. Ye actually understaun this and your gonnae send it tae yer pals. 18. Finally, you are 100% True Jock if you have ever said/heard these phrases: Hoos it hingin Clarty Boggin Cludgie Pished Get it up ye Wee beasties Erse bandit Amurny Away an bile yer heid Peely-wally Humphy backit Ba' heid Baw bag Dubble nugget And finally.... A wee Glesga wummin goes intae a Butchershop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is staunin haunds ahint his back, wi his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wummin checks oot the display case and asks: 'Is that yer Ayrshire Bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher 'Its jist ma hauns ah'm heatin.' How Many Understand?

ahh sorry bud, completely forgot that will be sure to add that in next time anything comes up

QUOTE OF THE DAY : 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of s**t.'

SCOTTISH LONELY HEARTS Who said romance was dead? Here are a few winners with love to give... GROSSLY OVERWEIGHT BUCKIE TURF-CUTTER, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08 ABERDEEN MAN, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box 06/03 HEAVY DRINKER, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82 . BITTER, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by long-time fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced *****es. Box /41 GINGER-HAIRED PAISLEY TROUBLEMAKER, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more Box 84/87 ARTISTIC EDINBURGH WOMAN, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32 CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 3/45 BAD-TEMPERED, foul-mouthed old ******* living in a damp cottage in the **** end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27 DEVIL-WORSHIPER, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07 ATTRACTIVE BRUNETTE, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Frampton's Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41 GOVAN MAN, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm

Merry Xmas Guys...

Tom had been in Police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land outside Wagga Wagga, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...' 'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you..... Be some drinkin!' 'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too.â?? 'Well, I get along with people... I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild sex, too.' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there! â??By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'

Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, 'Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.' Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, 'Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it.' Number 2 guy says, 'I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.' Number 3 guy says, 'Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual.' They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. 'I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf.' .....And she said, 'Take a sweater.'

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?' The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ckin ell whye na, they're not twins yer twat. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ckin ell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a f*ckin cheese eater?' 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter, 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.' Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA

gimme a shout bud on the lips front. name a price and i might be interested in buying the kit off you should you not mind splitting it

looks good mate, im liking this motor

your my man aswell Sparky on a serious note, this is shit news, hope its all fixed soon man

as said before, the lip really suits it, rear lip is agreed though springs next .. oh and centercaps

im sorry but Glanza_991's glanza really is an awesome machine, i think its close to Mc-Chu's (now stripped) glanza, in looks standard anywhos!

thats my old splitter looking good Chris

i shall buy one when im on the road, no point having it on a car thats SORN

i would happily have that in my car!

happy birthday dude