had a mechanic around today, and straight away after hearing me try and start it, he whipped the cam cover off, and bamm! cam pulley was out of shape and the cam belt had worn away leaving what looked like a barber shop floor behind the cover which means the cam had jumped causing the timing to be WAYYYYYY out hence the not starting he suggested i get the car towed to his garage so he can remove the head and inspect that the valves hadnt bent, but speaking to a few other guys i think im going to get a new belt and time it back up and tighten everything, turn it over by hand and see if it jams or anything, then try starting it