The night before christmas all through the house, We were all fu*ked, even the mouse. Dad at the brothel, mum with uncle Frank, I'd settled down for a nice slow w*nk. Outside the house i heard a right clatter, I let go of my c*ck to see what was the matter. Out on the lawn i saw a big d*ck, I knew right away it was old St Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, The big fat f*cker, i think he fell. He filled our stockings with sweets and with beer, And a big rubber c*ck for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, The big fat c*nt blew the house apart. He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight, Shoutin' i'll be back next year, have a hell of a night. Happy Christmas!