sounds familiar. my mate just split up from his gf of 5 years at the same time as being laid off work and having acl reconstructive surgery on both his legs and he was feeling basically how u feel now. but regardless of what u may think now u know urself u will get over it. ull feel better eventually u just have to be patient. and as for taking your own life and how u said u dont care if its selfish you should stop and think about the people who are ill etc. it would destroy them to think its their fault that your even considering it. For all you know killing yourself could have a knockon effect that causes someone else to do the same and noone wants that. although you have said u dont care you should still stop and have a good think about the effects it would have on other people. at the end of the day stuff will get better, it always does eventually you just have to try and be positive and put up with everythin life will throw at you in the meantime. not so good at advice either being only 20 but if something i can say would ake you change your mind then it was worth sayin hope it helped. Russell