Help with women!

[Jules-B]

Hi all

Ive never posted up somthing like this, but it has got to me so much i dont know what to do. And you lot seem to be pretty laid back so thought id ask your opinions! and its always nice to get it off your chest....prepare for lots of reading.

Pretty much i met this girl around 4 months ago, straight away we were friends, and slowly since then we have got closer and closer, so much so we would see each other every day and not go 12 hours without talking to each other!.

Me being a fool, and her being so amazingly stunning,and a great person, i fell totally head over heels for her.

It got to the point (about 2 months in) that i told her that i was into her. She said that at some time she had feelings for me, but not anymore.

Right i thought, ill get over her. But we carried on talking/seeing each other every day, and i found myself growing to like her even more!!,

Its now at the point where she says that i am the closest person to her, she trusts me more than her closest of friends and can tell me anything, We are so amazingly close that everyone says we act like a couple that has been together for years.

She has moved to university and not an hour goes by when i dont think about her, we still talk everyday and i have arranged to go up there next week to spend some time with her.

She told me she was going on a date with this guy, and she knew id be upset about it, which i was. We talked for over 5 hours..yeah 5 about everything..we considered the option to not talk to each other for a while to see if that helped me get over her, but she said, 'we make each other so happy, so why take that away??'' which i agreed with....She still doesnt have feelings for me by the way.

My point FINALLY!, is this.. What do i do?.. I have totally fallen for this girl, to the point that id do anything for her,and put her feelings before my own.

Some people say to totally bail out and walk the other way, but is that really right?

Again sorry for the nature of this post!, is the first time ive written anything like it!

Jules

[Starletraje]

man i know exactly what you are going through.

i had the same situation when i was at school with this girl and fell totally head over heels for her. yet she totally wasn't interested.

we acted like a couple and people thought we were...

you could always ask her if she wants to just give a relationship a try, on the condition that if it doesn't work out remain good friends.

on the other hand... it may be hard to give up mate, but sometimes its the best thing. and its gonna hurt like hell. and you may never actually get over her but you wont know till you try.

its crap what we go through huh?

bugger i should take my own damn advice

wish you the best of luck dude.

hopefully others can contribute some advice

[Jules-B]

Yeah, Alot of her very close friends have said to her,''its as if you two are a couple, so why dont you just try it'' to which she apparently considered, but just didnt see me like that.

Also i wouldnt want to put her in a situation that makes her unhappy, ie by suggesting we try a relationship.

all the signs point to the fact that i love her!. Probably our closness has given me false hope in a way. I get on better with her, and tell her more stuff than any girl ive actually been in a relationship with!!!

Im not sure if i can bring myself to not talk to her..we get on so well, and ive never met somone else ive had so much in common with. We even think the same things!

[gaz]

I fell in love with a girl at college, 5 years later i still have feelings for her. Simple thing is, you have to get over her now, but chances are you never will until you meet someone else. Bam!.. thats the reality!

Girls never realise when they meet someone real.

[Jules-B]

Girls never realise when they meet someone real.

What do you mean?

[gaz]

Well they are so shallow these days they only think about silly things like if the guy has nice knee's or nice hair or something. Not when they meet someone who actually gives a shit. That is not always the case though!

[Asad]

I think he means that girls tend to fall for nobs who treat em like poo and leave the decent guys behind....personally i`d walk the opposite way if she wanted a relationship you guys would be together she clearly knows you want her so whats stopping her? shes not with anyone and it all works between you.....its very painfull to go through and sure you will still have feelings for her but when you meet the next girl you will think wtf? y did i do such a such a thing for that other girl

best of luck buddy, chin up

[Jozinobi]

The good guys always lose man

Plus she is kinda playing with your feelings, its like if you want to be together with a girl (bf/gf) its best not to become best friends, I think thats what she thinks you are and accepts that.

In an ideal world you guys should really be together man by the sounds of it, you only live once so dont lose this chance if you really want to be with her or regret it.

Do you reckon she is your soul mate?

I know its a tricky situation and hopefully she realises it soon!!!

Good luck with everything mate, wish you all the best.

I've been single for ages and when the time comes I hope to meet someone special and nice, in the meantime I need to make sure I can support myself and be independent etc.

Peace

Joz

[Asad]

freinds with an ex or best friends with some1 you like is never a good mix.......only v v v rearly ask her to give it a try and see how it goes if not knock it on the head n move on...if she trys to avoid the whole getting together or doesnt wnt 2 (ull sense it by the way) put the phone down, delete her number throw everything she gave you out, pics etc and move on dont listen to the sad music it doesnt help 1 tiny bit....hope im/we are helping and not making things worse.

[Guest Enzo]

all the signs point to the fact that i love her!.

ouch, thats abit heavy, seems she does not feel the same. be prepaired for some heart ake . . ..

if she does not have fantasies about ripping your clothes off and does not feel the same then your love is waisted on her.

my advice is jump into your v with a wing man and go out and pull some other tottie. its probably the only way to distract your feelings.

ps treat them mean and keep them keen totaly works by the way so if your intent on winning her over you need to change your aproach of mr nice guy to take down her bitch sheild. you want her chassing you . . . .not the other way round.

[uttley10]

Totally agree with enzo. show her whats she missing out on mate!

Go out have a good time and make sure she knows your living your life to the full and not sitting in at home on a friday night thinking about what she is doing.

Keep your head up mate if its meant to be she will come round. All us lads have been there when there is that 1 girl that we always wanted. Hope you get yours mate

[ste91]

Totally agree with enzo. show her whats she missing out on mate!

Go out have a good time and make sure she knows your living your life to the full and not sitting in at home on a friday night thinking about what she is doing.

Keep your head up mate if its meant to be she will come round. All us lads have been there when there is that 1 girl that we always wanted. Hope you get yours mate

listen to this one cus he's a bit of a ladies man accordin to his bro

[SpeedFreak]

OK now a womans point of view.....

It sounds like she has been completely honest with you, and told you exactly how she feels. Atleast you know where you stand with her feelings.

Try not to listen to what friends say, because sometimes this can cloud your judgement on the situation and you may end up seeing something that isn't really there. All you can do is be there for her. If she meets someone else, although it will hurt, all you can do is be there for her for when this guy fucks up and hurts her. You will be the one she comes to.

The good thing about this relationship, is that she knows how you feel. So much so that when she arranged the date, she knew it would hurt you. I know this doesn't sound like a good thing, but trust me it is. Because atleast if she changes her mind on how she feels, she still knows that you want to be with here.

Love is a tough game, trust me I know. I have been in the same situation almost. Me and Lee have been best friends for 6 years, and when we first met I was so in love with him. But he ended up with my so-called best friend. And it has only been in the past year that we finally got together. And it was worth the wait.

But...Don't be at her beck-and-call. She doesnt sound like the kinda girl to mess you around, but just make sure that she see's that your not there to be her shoulder when she needs you.

Try and go out with your friends, and show her that you can have a good time. No one likes a grumpy sod! ( Not that you are one I am sure)

In the future, you never know what will happen. It sounds like she has considered a relationship with you, but for some reason she has decided against it. She may be scared of ruining what you have.

But, if all else fails.....come back to UKSC we will always love ya!

[nathy boy]

A good night out with the lads would help mate, i had some bitch i was really into then when she was messing me about i went out and met my now girlfriend that i have being with for 2 and a bit years and being living together for about a year and a half. When i got with my girlfriend, the other bitch woman wanted me back but i stuck with my girlfriend and now i can clearly see i made the right decision. So it just goes to show you dont know whats round the corner but most of all the important part is while your young just enjoy yourself mate you only live once!

[Glanza_cl]

think everyone has pretty much sumed it up, i think everyone has been in a similar situation at some point it's the unfortunate path of life there are downs but there are highs, it's good to have a really close friend and she knows how you feel, just stay good friends and see hows things turn out.

but at the same time don't be to controlled by the situation you need to do your own thing go out have some fun, relax

[Joey]

Girls never realise when they meet someone real.

hey steady on Gaz! we aren't all the same you know

[Glanza-Love]

Awww dude i hate that sort of thing, if i were you id maybe try it on one night when you were drunk with her.. if she says no then you know that its just not happening and you could also line it up on the drink for an excuse.

sometimes not talking to the chick makes them relise what they realy are missing... as the sayin goes mate absence makes the heart grow fonder!

this is what i would do.. ignore her for a few days.. if you's do text 24 7 her world wil crumble and she will think about you maybe suttin will come of it

but if things realy aint happnening then its time to step away.. walking away from a chick you realy do love is one of the hardest things to do ever, i was with my gf for 3.5 years and she cheated on me so i had to walk away even though i loved her so much.. i killed me all i did was think about her every day for months. its just one of these things you got to nip in the butt and walk away!

maybe ask her to have a go at it... see how things work

but all the best man i hope you make the right desicion

[StarletRick]

tc opinion.

youre into a lost cause there buddy. ive been there and done that.

leave it be and back off a bit, it will suck but youll get over it.

once youre over it carry on being mates. its lush having a good mate who is a girl.

but the chances of you having something with her are slim mate. so dont live in hope. just get on with life and if it happens it happens.

[Kara GTT]

Walk away if she really deep down wants you she will come running back to you!

She maybe got her head mixed up with uni etc and not knowing what she wants,but if she deeply wants you let her do the running!

And has for friends,they say never put someone you like before a friends,but thats aload of crap!

Go with your heart,not what your friends think!

I did,me and gav met about a year before we actualy got together,we fell out for about 5months over one of my stupid friends and we didnt speak at all then we started speaking again and we just hit it off and now nearly 3years down the line,where engaged and live together!

Hope you get it sorted!

Kara -UKSC Agony Aunt!

[Sparky]

ps treat them mean and keep them keen totaly works by the way so if your intent on winning her over you need to change your aproach of mr nice guy to take down her bitch sheild. you want her chassing you . . . .not the other way round.

Best advice here

I can totally relate to how you feel bro, its harsh.

I have tried my best (with the ex) to be mr nice guy and do everything for her and put her before ME, but that how you get hurt and walked over.

DONT let it happen, DONT text her or ring her, DONT think about her, do something else to take your mind off it, go out with lads you know that are single and that will open your eyes a bit, you will be having so much fun you wont even think about her.

Then she will realise once this doosh bag shes going on a date with now what shes missing with you

I have tried the approach above which Enzo mentioned and it works its not me but the girls love it, give it a go

Hope you get somewhere mate seems like you deserve a nice girl, not many of them about though I am afraid

Love xxxx

[SpeedFreak]

Sparky the stud!

Na he is right though, the treat them mean keep them keen thing does work in a sense. Dont run after someone like your life depends on it, and don't put anyone before your self!

But..don't just start ignoring her. I am sure you would rather keep a friendship if you can't have more, and if you ignore her she may change how she feels about you as a friend. Just back off a little, see if she chases the bait as such.

Don't set your self up for a fall.

[SiCaln]

tbh man i hate saying it, plus id hate hearing it but in my eyes bro its a lost cause, she has made her feelings clear - its never easy getting over it, trust me i know, weve all been there, just gotta take it on the chin accept it and move on - you never know what mayb around the corner

[Mikey Jay]

I have tried my best (with the ex) to be mr nice guy and do everything for her and put her before ME, but that how you get hurt and walked over.

I'm Mr Nice bloke with Joey and work though

Isn't ever the case 100% of the time (although agree the treat them mean to keep keen thing is pretty true, seen it work for plenty of my friends)

I've always got on perfectly with previous girlfriends too being Mr Nice

[Sparky]

Dont get me wrong there are a small minority of girls who you can get away with being Mr Nice but its not always the case.

I love being there for someone and knowing theres someone there for me but its going to be a while before it happens again, I dont think I could cope with being hurt again

The more I think about it the more I want it so I am going to shut up now

[SpeedFreak]

Ahh listen to Sparky getting all serious!

No, you are right in what you say about Mr Nice guy.

In previous relationships I have had, they have always been arseholes and always kept stringing me along. But for some reason I kept chasing. Although now, I make them do the chasing. I don't put up with anybodies shit!

I have had Mr Nice guys, and it didnt work out. I like nice but not too nice. Not someone who is around my feet every 2mins!