Mikey Jay Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?Because he was a party pooper!! (awful I know ) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?Because he was a party pooper!! (awful I know )Holy Feck....what the fuck??? IM laughing at you MJ not the joke Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Meh, am used to being laughed at Mainly for my huge hair (which is now gone by the way) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jozinobi Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 A lady walks into a BMW dealershipA lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."Joz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jozinobi Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 The cat and the roosterA rooster and a cat were playing by the pool.The cat fell in and the rooster laughed.The cat said: "a wet pussy always makes a cock happy."Joz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 A lady walks into a BMW dealershipA lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."Joz REEEEEPossstttt!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Last Night I walked into a public toilet where I found two cubicles, of which one was already occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"I thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad thanks."After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to mate?"Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly it must be said. Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick poo.. How about yourself?"I then heard the voice for the third time ....."Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some d!ck head in the loo next to me answering everything I say." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Toymota posted that on TGTT and i thought she was being serious Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jozinobi Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Don't Kick the Animals!!!A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?" Joz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jozinobi Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 BoobsA family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.After 50, they are like onions"."Onions?""Yes, you see them and they make you cry."This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree"."A Christmas tree?""Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration." Joz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jozinobi Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Hehe woops about the REeeeeeePost!Joz Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 LMFBO @ The Boobs joke Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Some good jokes there Jozman Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but th ank you!" While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredib le, how could you tell?" The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ian Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 2 cows in a field one turns to the other and sez...'so what do you think of this whole mad cow thing?' the other cow smiles turns to him and sez 'doesnt bother me im a helicopter!!' ;) again two cows in a field one sez 'MOOOOOOOO!' other sez 'you bastard i was guna say that!' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Posted April 2, 2007 Share Posted April 2, 2007 :lol: :lol: :lol: good one Ian Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 :lol: :lol: quality!Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fogdoggydog Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 That's a terrible terrible joke!And here's another one....What's black and white and eats like a horse?A ZebraHarHar Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 That's awful :lol: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 ;)heres a good one:It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles, “I'm going hunting with you!” Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer.But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!” Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!” Quote Link to post Share on other sites
annan Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 they all pretty funny, i'm no good at jokes so i wont bother, but keep them comming haha.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 ;) ;) :lol: :lol: ;) ;) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Some AWESOME jokes on this thread! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sl8ter & jett Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Any comments guys?Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a ladie garden lol10. Immediately go shopping for a vibrator 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half 8. See if he could finally do the splits 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet 6. Cross his legs without rearranging his crotch 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 20 minutes 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first 3. Go to the gynacologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too 1. Finally find that damn G-Spot Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sl8ter & jett Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 ford scares evo 8... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Any comments guys?Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a ladie garden lol10. Immediately go shopping for a vibrator 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half 8. See if he could finally do the splits 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet 6. Cross his legs without rearranging his crotch 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 20 minutes 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first 3. Go to the gynacologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too 1. Finally find that damn G-Spot quality Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sl8ter & jett Posted April 25, 2007 Share Posted April 25, 2007 new seat belt for women lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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