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Not quite jokes but some hilarious (and even more hilarious, REAL!) product warnings

Liquid Plummer

Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.


Do not spray in eyes.

Bowl Fresh

Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Toilet Plunger

Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool

This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter

Safe to use around pets.

Endust Duster

This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil

Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion

Keep away from children

Hair Coloring

Do not use as an ice cream topping.


Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap

Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash

May contain foam.

Beach Ball

CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.


Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

Bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

Hotel provided shower cap in a box:

Fits one head.

Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

And some more:

Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant

Use only on underarms.

Zantac 75

Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills

Warning: May cause Drowsiness

Christmas Lights

Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter

Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight

This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark


These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe


Warning: Do not attempt to swallow


Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray

Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor

Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.


WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge

Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control

Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs

Caution: Risk of fire

Triops Fish Food

Warning: Not for human consumption

Home Depot Treated Lumber

Do not consume

Hair Dryer

Warning: Do not use while sleeping.

Road Sign

Caution water on road during rain.


This camera will only work when film is inside.

Road Sign

Cemetery Road. Dead End

Church Parking Lot Sign

Thou shalt not park

Children's Superman Costume

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Silk Soy Milk

Shake well and buy often

Air Conditioner

Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron

Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Slush Puppy Cup

This ice may be cold

American Airlines Peanuts

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Nabisco Easy Cheese

For best results, remove cap.

Swanson TV Dinners

This product must be cooked before eating.

Hershey's Almond Bar

Warning: May contain traces of nuts

Heinz Ketchup

Instructions: Put on food

This one cracked me up :p

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"


The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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yea go mikey, i love those guys, vince noir rock and roll star :p seen every episode, wanted to see them live, didnt get tickets in tym...grrr.

we shall have to start a kent starlet mighty boosh club mikey!...haha

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Urrrm dont ask Ecks that :p:p


I think they have sussed you out ecksjay

Heres another one from me:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't" she replied.

Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I was just picturing how condoms are made!" she said.

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An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.

The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.

He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "Supplies!!"

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