ali_legend Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 http://community.magicseaweed.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=17209Must read Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Steve GT Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Old old old old old lol this has been reported loads of timesStill epically funny though Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaiiviper Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 LMAO i feel better about myself lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Azz Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Thats is fuckin awesome hahaha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hou Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Yeah old one that, got it in word format along with Picolax and teamshittysocks ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Johnboy GT Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 That is horrible! hahaJohn Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AdamB Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 That is fucking epic, got to be one of the top 10 posts ever on the internet! The detail and describing things was just quality! Feel sorry for the lad lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hou Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 http://track-ninjas.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=138Another good read there about toilets at Lemans Quote Link to post Share on other sites
metalmickey0 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Love the ` hovercraft over my face bit`. lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aaddzz123 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 That was fucking amazing lol! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dave D Glanza V Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 brilliant, could of stuck my hand in her cunt and flipped a coin Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 holy shit thats funny!Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
*Zoe* Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 there should be a warning on this not to read it in the middle of an open plan office! i nearly spat out my dinner laughing!!!! by far most horrible thing i ever read but couldnt stop i needed to know were it was going, so funny Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hou Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Like posting a python through a letterbox FLOL Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StuDoc 72 Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Actually had to contain myself reading that in work hilarious. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Driver Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I forgot about this ! actually crying ewith laughter here !!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lottie Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 haha thats epic!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DaveyDemolition Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Don't read this when you're sat downstairs next too your mum -.- burst out laughing, awkward.... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hou Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 ENJOY!Along the same lines of sex related disasters...When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn't aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.I walk in to a candle holocaust. She's been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.Now I'm sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can't stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you go in my mouth." I fuckin love women.So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.She stuck her finger up my ass.My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.No, you aren't understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit EVER and multiple it by forty-two and you'll have an idea of what flew out of me.And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.I know it hit her. I didn't see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I've ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.I stand there, holding 2/3's of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY fuck!". It was one of those moments.The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.Then I left. I avoided my GF's calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I shit on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don't THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. 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StuDoc 72 Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Why are other peoples fails so highly amusing lol. Now i look back i kinda wish i had one of my own lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Driver Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Ha the minute the bowl issue was mentioned i knew what was coming ... awesome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 zomg i just lawled so hard it hurt my chest!!!!!immense!Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DanGEP91 Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Haha both these are epic! Packed up! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pick1 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 LOl think I've broke a rib laughing so much Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Xpect Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 These stories are funny and probably made up. Opposing to this: a friend of mine uses to do "it" into a sock all the time. this special sock is hard enough to split stones with it. His nickname is "Powersocke" because auf that (sock is Socke in German)....But I would never want to see that thing again, he once posted pics of it on the net. A once white sock now grey-yellow all around. Makes me want to puke just thinking of that.That's my part on embarressing stories Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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