Nanglebadger Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 theres actually tears runnin down my face at that Gaz mate, seriously!!!!! thats classic!!!! im using that!!! mullered :lol: oh sweet Lord.Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 A nun gets on a bus that is empty except the driver, she says, "im going to die soon but I want to have sex before I do but I must remain a virgin so it must be anal and I must not commit adultery so the man must be single, can you fulfil my wish?""Yes" says the driver and fulfil's her wish. Then feeling guilty he says, "I'm sorry, I lied. I'm married and have three kids". "Thats OK says the nun I lied too. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party!!!! " Quote Link to post Share on other sites
rob_bower Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 ;) A blloke wlks up to a bird in a nmoght club, and says. "may names BOND" she says " let me guess JAMES BOND" he says "NO its UNI im here to fill you crack in" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 A builder on the 3rd floor forgot to bring his saw up with him, so he shouts down to his co-worker who cant hear him. So he does sign language, He points to his eye (I)Then his knee (NEED)and moves his hand back and fore in a saw motionHis co-worker nods and pulls his trousers down and starts to wank. The furious builder climbs down the ladder and says what the hell you doing? I need a saw!!! The co-worker says yes I know I was saying I'm coming Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gaz Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Hahahaha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted November 15, 2007 Share Posted November 15, 2007 Hahahaha! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 genius!! ;) ;) Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StarletRick Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 whats the sexiest thing about twenty eight year olds?theres twenty of them Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 Trust rick LMAO Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blond) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked 'What are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days'. I jumped down and walked out of the office then my co-worker (the blond) followed me, the Boss asked her 'and, where do you think you're going?'(You're gonna love this.....)She said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark' --PS Can this thread be sticky'd? Im fed up of looking through pages for it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BoostJunkie Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 think this is the best place for this vid watch the full vid to see what happened Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nanglebadger Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 genius!Phil. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Idrees Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Lmao @ Sparky!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
sl8ter & jett Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 Breaking Euro 2008 News Flash: It's just been reported by Sky Sports that Niko Krankjaer, the Croatian midfield footballer failed a drugs test yesterday. If this is confirmed as positive, under World Football Federation rules, paragraph 6 subsection 2 (e), Croatia will forfeit the 3 points that they gained from their match against England and the points will be appointed to their opponents, England instead. Scroll down for the full transcript of this report. Carlsberg don't report for Sky Sports, but if they did, they would probably be the best reports in the world Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mikey Jay Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Tale of the Irish SausageShamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of moneybetween them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness andtwo glasses of Jamieson Whisky.Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in?We haven't got any money!!"Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"They downed their Drinks.Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage throughmy zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all forfree.At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more ofthis. I'm drunk and me knees are killing' me!"Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Posted December 27, 2007 Share Posted December 27, 2007 ;) ohh my god!! one i havnt heard! Good one though my lovely! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gaz Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Lol nice Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MARCUSep91 Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 lol some of these are quality making a day a work even better lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Galliano Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 this is my step ladder, my real ladder left home when i was 5 years old Quote Link to post Share on other sites
killamats Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Top Four Adult Jokes Fourth Place: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your b reast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------ Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."haha now these are good ones!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 LMAO again at the top 4 adult jokes Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Faisal_Sol Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Two Asian junkies messed up by injecting curry powder instead of heroin and got rushed to hospital.An official spokesman said...."One is still in a korma and the other has a dodgy tikka"! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 LMFAO ;) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BoostJunkie Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 fromDrinking Mates 4.2 which I had used for years withoutany trouble.However, there are apparently conflicts between thesetwo products and the only solution was to try and runGirlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatiblewith several other applications, such as Lads NightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. Ashareware program, Mad Nail 2.1, which I tried, hadmany bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me toshut down completely for several weeks.Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 andGirlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover thatwhen these two systems detected each other, theycaused severe damage to my hardware.I then upgraded to Fianc'ee 1.0 only to discover thatthis product soon had to be upgraded further toWife1.0.While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my availableresources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus andCleanhouse 2002.Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Anymistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They thenresurfaced months later when I had forgotten aboutthem.Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer andE-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launchTurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have noHelp files, and I have to guess what the problem is.Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updatingregularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for newattachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to bereinstalled every other week.Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes thatdrain my resources. These conflict with some of thenew games I wanted to try out, warning me that theyare an illegal operation.Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT harddrive, it often crashes.Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-upcalled mother-in-law, which can't be turned off.Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2008,but there could be problems. A friend of mine hasalerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detectsMistress 2008, it tends to delete all of your Moneyfiles before uninstalling itself.Any ideas? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny. Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny,"because he'd be fucked if he needed glasses" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.